Apr. 5th, 2005 @ 05:53 pm
Galahad frowns and sits down beside Gawain. "She pulled me aside to say hello," he explains. "And I began to think...of the last time that we..." he tapers off, slowly moving his hand onto Gawain's thigh and stroking lightly. "Gawain, I think we might need to talk," Galahad says, almost afraid of his own words.
He looks up at Gawain's face. "Because I don't want that to happen again. So we should maybe discover why
Gawain feels a faint flash of irritation but then he looks in Galahad's face and realises that Galahad is perfectly in earnest. He looks down at the hand on this thigh and covers it with his own.
"I don't want it to happen again either," he says slowly. "But things are different now, aren't they? They're more..." He waves his hand. "Out in the open."
"Was it really the others meddling that faulted us the last time?" Galahad asks, shrugging. "I hadn't paid them any mind. It was just that...we got so jealous and so possessive and so..." he trails off, unable to find the word he's looking for. "And then I started flirting with girls and you started and we both started sleeping around," Galahad continues, feeling a little ill.
"Will we stop it by having it in the open? The Knights know, but Arthur wants us to pretend like we never told him and act the same," Galahad murmurs, withdrawing his hand from Gawain's as he rises to pace. "And I don't want to force you into promises just for me. In fact," Galahad clears his throat. "You don't even have to remain in the quarters, you know. I'm far more than healed, you can move back to your old chambers now."
Gawain watches Galahad pace. "I meant that things are more out in the open between you and me," he says, a little gruffly. "I couldn't care less what the others say or think."
He stands up too. "If you want me to move back to my own quartersif , I will, Galahad, but I do not think that that is the matter at hand, is it?"
"Oh," Galahad stops pacing. "Yes, I suppose between you and me they are. But we sort of fell back into this, didn't we?" he laughs nervously, recalling the literal falling back into each other's arms. "Gawain, I don't to ruin this and I don't want to start fighting," he says seriously. "So can we please figure it out?"
He shrugs. "I thought you were staying with me until I healed. I've healed. You can leave now."
Bearing in mind that Galahad doesn't
want to fight, Gawain has to take a few deep breaths before he can respond. "What, precisely, do we need to figure out, Galahad? I love you and, somehow, I've grown used to staying with you. I like staying with you. I don't want to argue either but you sound like you're trying to pick a fight."
trying to pick a fight!" he replies stubbornly, eyes blazing with irritation. He frowns and shakes his head. "But...but don't you remember last time? We fought and I was jealous and you were possessive and it got to be a mess! I love you too, but I just..." he trails off slightly, clearing his throat.
"I suppose I expected you to leave," he says quietly. "Because I didn't think you'd want to be so attached to me." He frowns and looks down at the ground, his posture slumping. He looks up slowly. "Are you going to do the same thing? Are we going to wind up just breaking apart again?"
Gawain grits his teeth and stands up. "We are not
going to break apart again, Galahad. I admit that I appear to be rather more attached than I had expected and if you want a little space, that's fine. I'll move back to my own room." He takes a step closer to Galahad. "We are not, however, going to finish over petty jealousies or pretty whores, do you understand?"
"I don't want a little space," Galahad mumbles, picking at his tunic idly, eyes downcast as though he can't face Gawain. "I just...the others are going to pass comment and..." Galahad takes a deep breath. "You know what?" Galahad looks up, meeting Gawain's gaze. "It's your choice. And I would be fine if you went back to your own quarters."
He presses his lips together and nods quickly. "I understand. I think it's better now. I mean, I'm older, I understand better. And I know what it feels like to lose you," Galahad says evenly, digging his nails into his palm. "Promise me one thing," Galahad requests. "If you have some problem with me, don't go quiet and go complain to Lancelot or Tristan. Tell me? If you hate me suddenly, tell me
Gawain is flabbergasted. "Why would I hate you, Galahad?" he asks. He shrugs. "And why would I complain to either Lancelot or Tristan. And why, for that matter," he says, really getting into his stride. "Would I care if the others pass comment? It can be no worse than it was when they realised what... exists between us."
A little helplessly, he raises his hand and touches Galahad's cheek.
Galahad frowns as Gawain touches his cheek. "Didn't you hate me when we first split, those years before? When all was said and done, all the things you yelled at me," Galahad gives a quiet laugh, "it really did appear that you hated me quite viscerally, if your actions and words were proof."
He closes his eyes. "Stay with me," he requests quietly, his words slurring together as he thinks this through as quickly as he can. "Or I can move into your quarters and stay there. But why should we bear any of this apart when we don't have to?" He opens his eyes, feeling calmer than before and a little anxiety at how it seems they have resolved this conversation. "Are you implying that you don't want us to split up for good?" Galahad inquires quietly. "Because it sounds like that and I can't help but remember how much you want a Sarmatian wife."
Gawain looks at Galahad with an almost curious expression on his face. "I was angry, Galahad. I said... ay, I shouted... many things I did not mean. I wanted to hurt you even though I can't bear the thought of it now."
He rubs his hands over his face. "And I don't want us to split up, Galahad. If I did, I wouldn't have ever moved into your room. If I did, I would never have allowed you to get so close to me." Gawain thumps his fist over his heart. "But I have."
Galahad just gazes at Gawain, touched at what he's been allowed to see and a little surprised. They were never this close the last time around and even this time, it's a little strange to see Gawain bear so much to him. "It hurt," Galahad admits. "It did. You hurt me quite a bit last time because I'd loved you and I didn't stop." He licks his lips, trying to chase the dryness away. "And you yelled so many things that seemed so true, that I thought you felt..." he trails off.
Galahad leans in, pressing his forehead to Gawain's and wrapping his arms around Gawain's back, idly dangling down and resting just atop his arse. "You were a rather stubborn bastard about letting people in," Galahad teases lightly. "It's like you're all new now."
Gawain laughs shakily. "Well, now that you're in, you bastard, you'd want to behave yourself."
He smiles at Galahad and slips his arms around Galahad's waist before kissing his mouth softly. "We just have to remember a few things. We need to remember to talk to each other above everything else."
Galahad nods slowly, his eyes closed. "Talking," he murmurs, his voice barely more than a hum. "Talking, of course." He pushes a little closer to Gawain, pushing him closer to the cot. "Right. Well, to begin with," Galahad opens his eyes, pushing them both down onto the cot. "I want you to stay here then," he says evenly. "For good. Or as long as is good for you. Get your other things, move them here." He gives a cocky little grin. "And I'll make a show of telling the others. They can be as horrified as they want."
"Moving on. If you want to sleep with a girl," Galahad hesitates on this. "Please just tell me first? I don't want you to be with just me because you feel you have to."
He leans up and kisses Gawain hard. "I'll clear out of the quarters if you want to bring a whore back. I promise. Lastly...I uh," Galahad clears his throat. "I like how you've been treating me. Not just lately, but since that day on the battlefield." He hangs his head. "Like, the tavern that night. It felt...nice."